We live in a world of judgment, where when something doesn’t go as planned, most people will look for someone or something to blame, rather than take responsibility, because the outcome of a fault is usually punishment rather than the opportunity to learn and grow.
Taking responsibility seems counter intuitive.
I know that I’ve been told, that if you are ever in a car accident, no matter what the situation, never admit to being at fault, and I’ve seen that carry over with most people to challenges at work and to challenges in relationships. Of course, if you are around preschool children and someone gets hurt, all the children will deny any responsibility, and invariably point out who they believe is to blame, in order to divert attention from themselves and evade inevitable rebuke and possible punishment.
The clue as to why even preschool kids respond with “it wasn’t me”, may be in the way the supervising parent or teacher naturally inquires into the incident, often with a tone of voice, facial gestures and even words, that denote “someone is to blame, and there are consequences”. This carries over into the rest of our lives.
In a recent conversation with a friend who’s life was not going well, their question was “what did I do to deserve this?” which was implying that the cause was outside of their control, which meant they are powerless to change anything, which left them feeling like a victim and powerless.
With another friend, we were discussing the circumstances that may have led to the situation they found themselves in, which included, amongst other serious external factors, their own behaviours and attitude, to which they replied rather angrily “so now we blame the victim?”. It was an all or nothing situation.
I believe that everything that happens to us, good or bad, has been created by us, by our thoughts, words or actions, and by the energy we be.
Everyone reading this, just as I can, can think of at least one difficult situation in their life where they can’t find any LOGICAL reason that they could be responsible for the event.
Over time I’ve realised that energy is not logical, but is very powerful. I’ve found that subtle beliefs about ourselves, life and situations carry energy and are so automatic in our lives that we don’t even realise that we are radiating a negative energy that obeys the law of “like attracts like” and helps create the challenges in our lives.
So instead of looking at what CAUSED the problem, what if we look at the solution.
There are three options…
1. Find someone to blame
2. Take self blame responsibility
3. Identify what went wrong, and take responsibility for minimising it ever going wrong again.
Blame doesn’t really offer a solution, even if we sue them, fire them, or take the blame ourselves, it is all heavy, negative energy and places a dampener on our lives and on the lives of those around us.
Taking self blame responsibility is often simply putting the blame on ourselves and absolving everyone else, for fear of the ensuing backlash for “blaming” someone else, or out of a low self-esteem having been taught that we are invariably to blame for all problems in our lives.
Identifying all elements that led to the incident, both physical actions and attitudes, as well as what energy state we were in leading up to the actions and attitudes, allows us to take TRUE responsibility for our lives, and takes us out of victim mode, into leader mode, and the ability to make better choices in the future and design our own lives.
Judgment is the greatest evil, and doesn’t reverse the situation or find a solution, in fact it usually delays a solution.
Taking true responsibility allows each of us to learn, grow, and gain wisdom, insight and understanding, which is the first prize, as life is about the long growth game, not a short term con game.
There are many simple life hacks to shift our negative, self-limiting points of view and energy, which will allow us to live more consciously and create the life we desire both consciously and unconsciously.
Worth a shot isn’t it?