In science of engineering, mechanical stress is a factor that is taken into account when dealing with material objects. Boston University defines it as “Stress is the measure of an external force acting over the cross sectional area of an object” and there are of course formulae for calculating the stress on an object, which allows us to build roads, buildings, bridges, vehicles and even clothing that can handle the stresses they will be physically exposed to.
But what about the non-physical, subjective world of emotions. We talk about “I’m so stressed”, and qualify and rationalise and validate our diagnosis with “…. because my bosses are just so unreasonable with their deadlines”, or “my kids just do their own thing and won’t take their studies seriously”.
In medicine, the National Cancer Institute defines stress as “the body’s response to physical, mental, or emotional pressure”. Physical pressure may be beyond our control. But mental and emotional pressure is not only in our control, but is CREATED by us.
If non-physical stress was real and not just a figment of our imagination, I could go online and order a wheelbarrow of stress.
Obviously stress FEELS real, and the effects of emotional and mental stress on your body and life have been well identified, including nervous breakdown, anxiety, depression, sleep disturbance, inability to concentrate, relationships issues and physical symptoms like headache, gastric issue, sexual dysfunctions, muscle pains, blurred vision, blood pressure and heart problems all the way to strokes and is often listed as a contributing factor in cancer.
There are definitely things in the world that can be seen as stressors (deadlines, relationships, financial goals, health issues and more), but as two people faced with the exact same situation, may respond differently, one rising to the challenge and being excited by the opportunity, and the other paralysed by the “stress” and angry, depressed or despondent at life.
The first step in handling stress, is to realise that it isn’t a THING, as you can’t place it in an identity parade, you can’t buy or sell it or mine for it, and be happy with the fact that as this “stress” is our mind’s reaction to an event, as we can take control of our minds, with the right easy to learn and apply skills, we can move the situation from stressful to challenging, and start the process to getting beyond it.
In case this left you stressed out, let me give you one quick life hack to start changing the stress in your life.
> Think for a moment about a situation that you would have normally described as a stress.
Stand up (if possible), head held up, and looking forward towards the horizon, real or imaginary, say in a strong voice “I’m feeling stressed about … “, using a simple short phrase to describe the challenge. eg: “I’m feeling stressed about the presentation on Friday”, without any emotive adjectives or 4-letter expletives.
> Notice how when you change how you think and verbalise the perceived stress as a “feeling” in stead of a label, how the feelings in your body shift and you feel lighter and a sense of possibility can be perceived.
Over the next few blogs, we will continue to understand the stress reaction in our bodies, and how to take back control of your emotional responses to life and create a life lived with more ease and joy.